I honestly don't know why I update this thing. No one reads it. I guess because it makes me feel better? I miss the days when I'd talk on the phone for hours with friends. I like talking, it makes me happy. I used to be real excited when I got texts from people. I always had boatloads of texts within an hour, now I'm lucky if I even get one. I miss hanging out with my friends everyday. I miss being around people. I want to live in those days again.

Black Friday...I love and hate this day. I love how everything is on sale, but I hate the massive amounts of people. Well today, while I was browsing around Pacsun I bumped into Vy-anh and Calvin. Later I bumped into everyone else. I was sort of glad and upset I bumped into them. I hate seeing people I know at outside of school..I honestly don't know why. Well I wasn't expecting to see anyone from school, but since its black friday that makes no sense. I was just there to get a sweater or a shirt and leave.

I'm weak..my knees can barely hold me up. I understand that I should take things slow and let them heal a bit, but since my first basketball game is coming up, practice's pace has been a lot more intense, and I can't bare it. I want to cry, but I keep pushing myself. My left knee can hardly handle any more impact, and as for my right knee, the slightest touch makes me want to scream in pain. I doubt you all knew how much pain I'm in.

Especially today at the mall, I was welcome to walk anyone around the mall. In reality, I could not stand the pain of walking and the room was spiraling. Since there were so many people there it also didn't help. I hid it, I don't want anyone to feel pity for me, just because I'm retarded and can't walk. My ankles also feel weaker, they can barely sustain my weight, I feel as if they could snap at any moment. This is probably because I haven't been eating like I'm supposed to. I haven't been getting much sleep either. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm dreading practice tomorrow. I'm going late just so I can practice for an hour or so, that's when there is the least amount of running.

Well I didn't start today, but I played half the game and I scored a basket :] We tied by quarters, or we lost by 1 by points :D Well I'm wiped out...I'll elaborate about the scrimmage later. Night.

I think I might get to start! :D Well, at least I hope. I've been doing fairly well during practice, and coach has been supporting. I can't wait till Friday! :D

dskjfnhadsf I'm confused. Sammy told me that she still loves me.

"SammyJade; says:
yeah.. im sorry. My feelings for you didnt go away. and no matter how hard i tried blocking them out becuase of how you felt and of how it wouldnt work, they;re still there."

How does she know? She doesn't even know me in person. Same with Shannon. sadkfasj gah.

What makes me so special?...=\

Turns out I'm not going to have much playing time, because I'm not as fast as the other players. I have exceptional defense, I know what I'm doing, AND I can decently shoot a lot better than the other freshmen. I know I'm not going to play as much this season. This is upsetting, I'm pushing myself. I can't run ANY faster or I'll collapse. Is it fair that she judges her starting line up by speed? I understand she wants speed, but skill should come into place too right? I'm trying as hard as I can..but, why do I keep on doing this if I KNOW I'm not going to get any playing time. -sigh- what to do, what to do....

So, I haven't updated in about a week...HOLD ON LET MY ICE MY THUMB FOR ANOTHER 15 MINUTES!! Why am I icing my thumb you may ask? WELL I jammed it today at tryouts, yay... I swear, I'm becoming more accident prone. I've probably fallen about 5-7 times in the past 3 days? Well good news, I made JV. About 5 sophomores, 1 junior, and 6-7 freshmen? Yeah, I love my team. I have a feeling this season is going to be good. Unfortunately I have practice from 6:30 to 8:30, so I'm going to be busy for a while. Well, it would be nice to see some of you guys come to my games. Don't know when they are? Ask and I'll be happy to tell you when our next game will be :]

Well I'm really sore, I'll try to update this more often.

Went to Kiara's, played rockband. Hung out at Patu's today. It was pretty good. We played basketball, guitar hero, and brawl. We also talked for a while. I haven't had a day like that in a while. :]

I'm starting to wonder. Am I the one who fails as a friend and not my friends?...I'm so confused. Help D:

I'm always disappointed by them, maybe I just have high expectations? I mean, I don't think what I ask for is too much. All I want is someone to call occasionally, to say hi, not to ask for something. No one ever calls to see what's up or how things are going. Make some plans occasionally? Not invite everyone else I know and talk about it right in front of me like I'm not there. At least be considerate and talk about it when I'm not there. When I'm sick, at least ask if I'm better.

This is all I ask for.

As I said again, show me you're worth caring for.