Christmas is almost here...and yet I haven't done anything productive. I guess I don't make it a big deal like everyone else. Its like an ordinary day to me. Oh well :\

We're the only team that one the Stuart game. I'm real proud of my girls. We did real well. 18-44 I made 5 points this game, new record :]

Powderpuff game today.

Wish us luck.

Ah, so the first day of school was alright. Already got some homework. I already can't wait for the weekend. I'm sort of excited for tomorrow though, I don't know why. Maybe I should do the homework I got today, rather than tomorrow night.

That was a hell of a night...I suppose it could have been a lot worse..

Lookie what I found :D

I want her back...then I don't. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, I'm a fucking mess.

Ah, the week is coming to an end. I'm hoping to stay home tomorrow, I'm feeling real sick. -sigh- I'm on this roller coaster of emotions, it sucks.

AHHHHH, I'm going to fail my World 2 SOL....along with the AP test. Fuck...

Fuck My Life, literally.

Meh, I'm hopeless.

I'm stupid for falling for a complete stranger.

Why do I have such low self esteem? I feel so fat, no, I am fat. I need motivation, but I'm lacking so much of it. I suppose I can try to 'work out' and it could be my post season conditioning for basketball...we'll just see how this goes for me...

My head is so fucked at the moment. I'm seeing moving shadows of people, I'm hearing things when I'm alone. When I ever get the time to sleep, I wake from bad dreams. Its those kinds of dreams where you try so hard to wake up but you can't... I've been so out of it. I'm trying to make things better. It wasn't working.

Help me...

I've always wondered what runs through a person's mind when they steal other people's possessions. Are they proud of themselves? I know my guilt would get the better of me. How is it that it's easier to steal from a store than it is from a person? I know that's the case for me. Its so simple to pick up something and go, "Oh there's no price on this, I guess I'll take it". But in the event that it may belong to someone else, I panic for some reason and start to break into a cold sweat. If many of you didn't know, I sweat when I'm nervous, I also stutter. Observant people may notice this, but that's why I suck at lying.

Its really random I posted this, It was just something running through my mind tonight.

I hope you know you're slowly losing us. This neglect is stupid. We've been there for you through thick and thin, but you leave us for them. Little do you know that they'll ditch you eventually, you're like a new toy to them. Once they're tired of you, you'll come crawling back to us begging for forgiveness.

Yes, I'm pissed at you. You should know why. You don't even try to fix it. Well you know what? I'm not going to even bother, I'M the one that's mad at YOU, so you should apologize and try to fix things, not me. In whatever crazy world you live in, everything doesn't work itself out eventually, there had to be effort on the other end.

I'm sick and tired of this.

I'm sick and tired of you.

I miss the old you, the one that we all loved.

I hope you get over this phase soon.

ah, I got my teeth extracted, I feel a lot better than this morning though :]

Rawr, I haven't blogged in a while. I've been having the strangest dreams with the strangest people. Its amazing how I can remember them too, so far, the only people who know these dreams in detail are Kiara and Vy-anh. They both gave a "wtf?" reaction. Anyways. Spring break is almost here and I can't help but worry. I can't really say why, but its killing me inside. How I know someone so close feels so heartbroken and miserable inside, and how they live miles away...so far that I can't do anything to help them. I called this person....I was so upset to hear the tone of their voice, I've never heard this tone before...and I've known this person for quite a long time. I don't know what to do, but this person thinks I'm spreading their innermost secrets, I'm not. They don't know how much they make me worry at times. -sigh- what to do, what to do.

I haven't had soda for about a week and a half now, all I've pretty much have drunken is water, lemonade, and milk. Amazing huh? I didn't really think I could keep this up. Ha ha, I'm proud of myself. Oh, by the way, if you didn't know. I made it into the National Honor Society.

So, I've finally decided to live a healthier life. I'm going to run at 1 hour a day and stop drinking soda. I need to stop wasting time doing nothing and sleeping. Maybe even stop procrastinating. Hope it helps me sleep a lot better.

I haven't updated this in a while, I've just been so busy. I've been sick on and off the past few weeks and I'm missing classes, so I have tons of make up work. Also, my neighbor recently passed away. I didn't think it would affect me much, since all I did was walk her dog. Today, I missed school to go to her funeral. I was pretty alright at first, but it started to sink in. I would never see her and her dog again [her dog is going to be with her children]. I cried, it was something I just couldn't control. Every time she's mentioned, I struggle not to cry...

As for my wrist, I'm going to physical therapy for that, apparently as of right now, my left hand is stronger than my right hand [I'm right handed]

Many of you have asked, "Are you doing a spring sport?" The answer to that is "no." Why? because, I'm simply a one sport person, other sports just don't seem to interest me. I just take the fall and spring season to support my friends. I love doing so because I then have an opportunity to say, "Hey, you've improved a lot since last year, keep up the good work!" I wish I had people to tell me that. I also support my friends because I know that's what I'd want them to do when my season comes, unfortunately none of you do. I does upset me greatly. Thing is, I don't even know if I can make the team next year. Positions are tight and if I'd want to make it I'd have to be real dedicated. I'd have to play basketball over the summer, spring, and fall. Coach says that if you don't work on you're game or join an AAU team over the summer, don't expect to make the team at all.

Oh yeah, I got my hair did...

CLT: [haven't done one of these in a while] I hate when people wake me up from my sexual dreams...

If I haven't told you, I sprained my wrist and I can't play the last game. I hope you all still come to watch though..since you all said you would, but end up letting me down anyways. You're all let downs and I hope you know it. That's why I haven't been trying oh too much lately.

I'M SO FUCKING STUPID...

I left my sackpack in the boys locker room at Wakefield..

Hm, haven't updated this, just wanted to say, we beat stuart by 11 points, 14 to 25. We almost beat W+L, we made it hard for them this time. Last time they beat us by 30+ points, this time they only beat us by 12 points, huge improvement?! Yes :]] Well the score was 35 to 47. I fucked up my wrist, don't know if i can play Friday.

We lost... I know this shouldn't be a surprise for falls church, but we played as a team for once, and we put all our heart into it. We only lost by one point and our game wasn't one of those one team takes a huge lead and the other catches up. No, we were neck and neck the whole time. We scored one then they scored and so on. I shot a buzzer shot, (I never make shots in games) it was perfect form and everything, it even went in, but the ref said it didn't count ): unbelieveably this is the first loss I've ever cried about. Don't get me wrong, everyone cried. For those of you who didn't go, missed a pretty epic and intense game. By the way, we had the biggest amount of fans today :). Well Stuart game is tomorrow, we will win.

4:55am...I still can't sleep...

It's 4:40...I can't sleep. I've tried. I'm getting tired of it, the more I'm awake, the more I think and I start crying...i've lost at lot of people this school year. I don't talk to any of them anymore and I know I'm the one at fault. I'm becoming more isolated. I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't =\ the constant yelling and screaming in my house doesn't help. I seem to be always fighting back I'm reality I don't want to. I absolutly hate getting yelled it. A tension has been growing between me and everyone. I'm always mad or pissed. My thoughts keep jumping right now. I can't do this. I guess i'll end here. Let's hope I pass out soon so I can get a decent amount of sleep before I go to my uncles house.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, I've had it. I really have..

Sammy randomly ims me, we talk a bit and she keeps saying she misses me, and later she starts to say she misses "us". Its amazing how she still likes me, its been months since I've talked to her. Not to mention she's on the other side of the world?

Her page used to say "Melissa, My beautiful baby girl.
Since the day I met you I knew there was something about you I liked.
Now I realize that it’s everything about you i adore.
You comfort me like no body else, When I talk to you I forget about anything that’s bothering me and everything seems fine.
You’ve made me the happiest I’ve been in so long, I truly am lucky to be able to call you mine.
You always put that ridiculously dorky smile on my face.
I loved you then, I love you now, And ill love your forever.<3"

Well that was when we were 'going out'

Its surprising how she kept her word on loving me. And shockingly she told me this today:
мєℓιѕѕα says:
July 29 to be exact.
ѕαммуנα∂є. says:
Yeah i know.
ѕαммуנα∂є. says:
Still in my calender marked as Meli <3

I really don't know what to say...I really don't. I'm so confused now.

Washington and lee...It was a really good game. I was actually sick the two days of practice before the game. I went to practice but didn't practice. I just observed. So, today I was expecting to be benched the whole game, and to my surprise I played almost half the game. This game made me feel great because coach make me guard the main offensive player on their team, who's fucking fast I might add, I was shocked. She always refers to me as the 'slowest player on the team', but yet she makes me guard one of the fastest players on the other team!? I did it though, I chased that girl for a good 3-4 minutes, no shots, no good passes, I shut her off completely. I chased her another 3-4 period. I knew she was tired, I could see the frustration in her face. I even wowed our coach, she mentioned it. I'm just real proud of myself to be honest, my stamina has gone up and my defense has obviously gotten better. I'll make sure I get to play next game. Why? Because its Wakefield! One of the only schools we have a chance against! Plus, I know 3 people on the team :] OMG! Tomorrow at practice, we scrimmage freshmen! I'm so excited. I can't wait!

Hmm...school tomorrow. Its supposed to snow on Tuesday, maybe our game will get cancelled? I haven't really achieved much this break, haven't finished any homework. Not a good start I suppose. Hm...I found out I can't sleep unless I have someone else in the room with me. I sleep like a baby when there's someone else in the room. I might not update this anymore, I don't think anyone reads it.