I feel empty inside.

I'm over you.

Man, oh man. I don't think you understand how much you toy with my emotions. Maybe you're not really doing it, and my emotions just fluctuate so much. I shouldn't blame you, but I don't like blaming anyone. I always say 'its okay' or 'its fine' whenever I get disappointed. Things are never really okay. I just don't like making the other feel like shit for what they did. Maybe I shouldn't be so soft on people. I'm usually straight forward, Meh, I don't know what to do with myself. You make me happy and you make me upset. There's just no winning with you. I hate when you tell me who you think is cute and etc. I want you, then I don't. The thing is, I don't want to have you and have you wanting other people. I want to talk to you. I crave your attention and you just don't know it. Its killing me inside. Maybe I should move on. Maybe this isn't worth it. It honestly seems like you don't care, but maybe you do. I want to let you know how I'm really feeling, but I don't want to come off as an asshole or jerk. I guess I'll keep it to myself.

When you have a conversation with someone, are you the one who typically starts it or does the other? With me, I'm usually the one who starts it, but I feel like I'm BEGGING that person to speak to me. It makes me feel desperate. Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if both of us started the conversation every now and then. Usually when I'm thinking about someone, I'm always telling myself, 'do they want to speak to me? Are they thinking of me too? Are they just as hesitant as me to say hello?'. There's just way too much thought behind a simple hello. I end up sitting there, gazing at my phone or the computer, I have the words typed out, I just never have the guts to push send. It's depressing on my part. I hate feeling like this. It happens in person too. I'll approach a person with an intent of saying something and halfway there, I pause and chicken out. It's primarily my fear of being judged. I'm always conscience of what others think of me, how I look, how I act, how I am. It's best to be yourself I know, I honestly don't think anyone is really 'themselves' around others, only in the comfort of their own home and family.

People ask me why I am so anal about the way I dress sometimes, it's simply because I want to catch the attention of others, be noticed, and stand out. Maybe I should stop being so concerned about what others want from me and just be who I am despite what others want.