Damn it, why do I feel like such a failure?

Is it wrong for me to say that I don't want to do basketball anymore? I've spent 3 years doing it and it isn't fun anymore..I'm not going to be happy. I don't want to make the team..God, what to do. If I do make it tomorrow, I'm going to stick with it though..Damn it. What the hell did I get myself into?

Tryouts are tomorrow. Am I afraid of making the team? Not so much. What I am afraid of is what we're doing at tryouts. How much hell he's going to put us through. Please, let tomorrow just end already..

Thank you coach, for talking me through this and making me feel a lot better about tryouts.

Why am I worrying? Tryouts are in 8 days. I shouldn't be worrying now. Maybe when it's a lot closer. It's 2:45am I'm tired. But as soon as I want to dose off I start to panic, think of all possible outcomes. I CAN do this. I WILL make the team. I WONT regret anything. This is my senior year and I need to make the best of it.

I feel disconnected from life. For the past few days I've laid in this bed. Having dreams about college, basketball, life. It really gets me thinking, I'm not ready to grow up, I'm not ready for what the future holds for me. And yeah I know most everyone else feels the same way. I feel like it's haunting me. I feel like I'm not good enough and that I'm a disgrace to my family.

For example in basketball, I feel bad that my mother comes to all the games just to see her daughter sit out. I just don't know what to think anymore. Every ounce of happiness feels like it's drained out of me.

Three more quarters to go. I can do this.