Shit, last time I wrote in this was November. I completely forgot I had this. I could easily post on tumblr, but I feel like this is more private and just for me to rant and put my thoughts down. No one really cares about what's going on anyways.

Lately, I've been desperate to be with someone, anyone really. I just want a relationship, but I know that's incredibly hard to come across, because I don't just want any relationship, I want the ones that are perfect. I feel like I've become desperate though, that I just really want to have someone to call my own. This is all just unrealistic, I don't want to lower my standards, but I feel like my standards are just way too high, especially for someone who looks like I do.

When I say that. I am honestly repulsed with how I look. I always look in the mirror and give myself a really good look. I imagine myself as another person looking at myself, and all I do is pick out flaws, I know everyone does it. I should be happy with how I am, how I look. I'm not, I'm so focused on appearance. I swear I try WAY too hard though. My weight is a huge contributor for why I feel this way.

I am honestly working on this though, I'm starting to run. I just really need to be patient, I know weight loss takes time, I've lost 20 pounds this school year. I also need to stop procrastinating, I had a great two days of running, and it all just died, mainly because of my lack of sleep.

fldasjf;dasj I'm also nervous for college, hella nervous actually. I have camp next month and for some odd reason, I feel like I'm going to make a fool of myself there. I'm also worried about club basketball and tryouts. UGH. I'm going to continue this rant later, I'm getting sleepy.

/end rant.