I can't seem to be happy anymore. I feel so distant to people, as if they don't want to talk to me. I don't blame them really, I tend to suck the fun and happiness out of many things. I don't really know what to do with myself nowadays. Its so routine. Sleep, school, eat, homework, shower, and repeat. I'm also getting into this phase where I'm just pissy with everything. I just turn everything into a little argument. Maybe I should just take a break from everyone, everything. Just sit alone by myself, take a walk and find out who I am, what I want, and where I'm going. I've been having this powerful urge to just cry, I keep fighting it, I just hate crying. It makes me feel vulnerable.

On a side note, I've been seeing and hearing things. Like silhouettes of people. For example, I was showering and I heard the door unlock and I saw a shadowy figure in the corner of my eye. It totally freaked me out. I don't know what's wrong with me and what's going on in my mind, but I have got to figure it out soon. I don't want this to be on going.

I can't sleep either. When I finally do get to sleep, I wake up in about an hour or two. and repeat until I have to go to school.

I hate looking into the past, remembering how depressing of a child I was.

I've been having a hard time sleeping lately, It's usually because I'm up thinking about where I am in life. I always wonder if I'm leading a healthy life and what I need to do to make it better. Like exercising for instance. I dread running, but I feel like if I actually do something about my weight, maybe I'd be happier with myself. I'm just very self conscience about how I look, I know I need to stop worry about what other people think about me. I've at least made once change in my life so far. I'm starting to eat breakfast in the morning to start my metabolism much earlier than normally. I believe it's working, because I feel more energized during the day.

I know that everyone says they're going to exercise, lose weight, and etc. I'm not trying to do anything drastic. Just reducing my naps, trying to actually walk around instead of waiting for rides etc. I think I'm going to try and take a walk every now and then now. Or maybe put my treadmill to work. I don't know.